We all know that saying; not all that wander are lost. This cannot be more true in my life.
Day after day, I am questioned on what I am doing with my life. Ok maybe, it is not put so pointedly as that, but the suggestion is there. The accusatory tone as they ask why I am not working at the hospital. The warning in their voice when they remind me that I shouldn’t be letting my skills lapse. Have you ever tried to explain to someone that you don’t want to be a clinical nurse? That, although you did spend 3 years studying to be a nurse, you did not feel it was your destiny to be one. For I see those 3 years as more than gaining a degree, but so much more. I wandered through those years, seeking much more than nursing knowledge. I stumbled and fell, I danced and crawled, I laughed and sobbed. My learning was not restricted to the classroom. The universe was my classroom.
A further 3 years has now passed, and I am still the student. I am still seeking all that the universe has to offer. I work, but I am not a slave to it. It is a means to an end. I live my days with the intention of making every day great, finding the little things, learning something new. Don’t get me wrong, I take my work very seriously, and I give my all to it. And trust me, sometimes I think I should settle down, work the corporate ladder, acquire a more comfortable life. But then something hurts from deep within my soul, and I know that it is not what I want yet. My heart seeks the answers to all my unanswered questions. And when limited to one place day after day, your mind is sheltered, your answers to the questions are influenced by those who surround you. This is why I MUST wander. I am not always physically wandering, but I am always seeking something new. Whether that be introducing myself to a stranger, or reading a new book, or even exposing myself to a new genre of music, I am always able to learn something new. When your mind and heart is open, so is the possibility for more. More knowledge but also more questions to be answered. The universe is magical like that. Finally when you feel as though you have reaped all of the insight it has to offer, it pronounces you a new challenge, poses you another question, spurring your feet to hit the ground and seek! This is why I so reverently agree with the saying “not all that wander are lost”. I do not see myself as lost, or directionless, but more a seeker in search of more. This is not to say that I do not ever feel lost. But in those times I do, I know that I have become stagnant, not unlike a creek, waiting for the next big rain to come and goad me into submission. To wash away those feelings of apathy and drive me to wander once again.
To the Universe,
Thank you for allowing me to be your student.
Forever your seeker,
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